God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I licked your asshole in confidence.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
