i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
