so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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