cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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