Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
