Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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