I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
