he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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