i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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