I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
