Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
