He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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