Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She told me I should be a condom model.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
