My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
