Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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