Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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