yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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