i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
