u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
