Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
