I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
