You can't special order awesome
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
