Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
