i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
