Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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