I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
