my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
