i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
