i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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