just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
