it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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