so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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