Got a toothbrush?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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