i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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