You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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