singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
