Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
