$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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