told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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