He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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