My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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