No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
