yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
