Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
please come you make the beer taste better
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
