We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
