Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
