Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This is my gift to your gina
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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