Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
