you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
