I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
