how can u be prego again
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
